Metal Tongs in a Blender

that-filipino-kid:

You try tossing your friend into the pool and miss horribly…

Then you try pulling him out of the water but your hands slip.

Shit Tyrone…

So true.

everythingthatiswonderful:

shenanigans-and-things:

two-four-six-oh-one:

alanrickmandaily:

Jimmy: And you’re from…what part of England are you from?

Alan: Right in the middle of London. Right by Paddington Station. So if anybody’s coming in on the Heathrow Express, I’m a minute over the road.

Jimmy: They can stop by?

Alan: They can…there’ll be tea.

——-

Later, bitches!

I’m coming for you, Alan.

vagueirony:

leadtheway-leadtheday:

One has claws at the end of its paws, the other has a pause at the end of its clause. 

I enjoyed this too much.

At first I read “comma” as “coma” and did not get the joke for like 2 whole minutes! lol